


Don’t Marry Her, Have Me

by Likemycoffee



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 21:11:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19838572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likemycoffee/pseuds/Likemycoffee
Summary: The night before the wedding, Ben asks Callum to meet him.





	Don’t Marry Her, Have Me

The mobile phone buzzed in Callum’s pocket, signalling an incoming text. When he glanced at the screen his first reaction was shock, followed closely by nervous anticipation and excitement. He hadn’t heard from Ben for almost two weeks, not since the other man had come to the flat while Whitney was at work and told him they were over; finished. Ben said he couldn’t do it anymore. 

For two weeks it had seemed as though Ben had completely disappeared. Callum hadn’t so much as caught a glimpse of him across the square. He would have been concerned, were it not for the fact that Jay, Kathy and Ben’s other relatives were all acting totally normally and Callum assumed he would’ve heard from someone on the grapevine if Ben had actually gone away, so Callum had to assume that Ben was just avoiding him. 

He was surprised by how much it hurt. Ben’s absence had left a hole that Callum hadn’t expected. He tried to tell himself it was a good thing that Ben was gone. It meant he could concentrate on what was really important; his real life and future. He threw himself into making the last minute wedding preparations with Whitney; he tried not to think about him; tried not to miss him, but all it took was seeing his name on the phone screen for Callum to realise what a joke that was, he had missed him. Fuck, he’d missed him. 

With a quick glance over his shoulder to check that Whitney was still in the bedroom he opened the message. 

‘I need to see you. Can you come to the Car Lot?’ and then a moment later another message appeared: ‘Please Callum.’

‘Give me half an hour.’ He typed his response and pressed send before he could think too much about why after two weeks of silence, as soon as Ben got in touch, Callum’s first instinct was to come running. 

A few minutes later Whitney emerged from the bedroom, carrying her overnight bag. 

‘Right,’ she said as she walked up to him. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow at the church then.’

Callum forced a smile. ‘I’ll be there,’ he said. ‘Don’t be late.’

‘Bride’s prerogative,’ Whitney beamed, leaning in for a kiss. 

‘It’s a stupid tradition,’ Whitney said when she pulled away. ‘Why don’t I just tell Stacey I’m staying here tonight and go round there to get ready in the morning?’

Callum panicked for a moment. If Whitney didn’t leave then he wouldn’t be able to make an excuse to go and see Ben. 

‘But it’s supposed to be bad luck isn’t it?’ he said, swallowing his anxiety down, trying to sound casual. ‘It’s only one night babe.’

‘I know... You’re right,’ Whitney said with a sigh. ‘What’s one night when we’ve got the rest of our lives?’

Callum smiled again. The lead weight in his stomach just kept getting bigger. Whitney kissed him again and picked up her bag. ‘See you tomorrow,’ she repeated. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too babe,’ Callum replied and then with another kiss she left the flat. 

Callum waited until he heard the front door close before going into the bedroom and pulling open the wardrobe, he changed into a dark coloured T-shirt and jeans that Whitney (and Ben) had told him he looked good in more than once. He wasn’t dressing up for Ben, he told himself. He just didn’t want to go out in what he was already wearing. He ran some gel through his hair and left the flat, walking in the direction of the Car Lot.

There was a light on inside and so Callum opened the door and walked in. Ben was sitting behind the desk with his head in his hands. He looked up as Callum entered and the look on his face stopped Callum in his tracks. 

Ben looked absolutely wrecked. His hair was messy, his eyes red from crying, a bottle of what looked like whiskey sat on the table in front of him. Callum felt his heart twist inside his chest. 

‘You alright?’ Callum asked softly. 

‘Do you care?’ Ben replied, there was a hardness to his voice that Callum hadn’t expected. 

‘I came didn’t I?’ Callum moved closer, he perched on the edge of the other desk, gripping the edge so he didn’t do something stupid like grab hold of Ben and kiss him...

‘Why?’ Ben asked. 

Callum considered his answer and decided to go with the truth. ‘Because you asked me to.’

‘And you always do what I want?’ Ben huffed, reaching for the bottle and taking a swig. He held it out to Callum. ‘You want some?’

Callum shook his head. ‘No thanks. Looks like you’ve had enough.’

‘Well we’re celebrating,’ Ben replied. ‘You’re getting married in the morning.’

‘Ben...’

‘Don’t you want a drink on your last night of freedom?’

‘Ben, don’t do this.’

‘Do what? Celebrate a wedding? Isn’t that what normal people do?’

‘You know what I mean.’

‘Isn’t that what you wanted Cal? To be normal?’

‘Did you just ask me to come here so you could have a go at me?’

Ben seemed to collapse into himself. His ire leaving him. He stared into Callum’s face and shook his head. ‘No.’

‘Then why?’

‘I wanted to see you.’ Ben’s voice was soft. ‘I miss you.’

‘You’re the one who ended things, Ben.’ Callum replied. ‘You told me it was over. You’ve avoided me for two weeks.’ 

‘I thought it would hurt less, but it doesn’t.’ Ben had tears forming in his red-rimmed eyes again. ‘What the fuck is it about you Callum?’ he sighed. ‘Please don’t marry her.’

Callum looked down at the floor. ‘Ben...’

‘Please Cal,’ he said again, the desperation thick in his voice. ‘I just... I know you don’t love her. I know she can’t make you happy.’

‘I can’t do that to her Ben.’

‘I love you.’ Ben’s voice sounded so broken and desperate but Callum felt his heart soar at the words. Ben loved him. He closed his eyes against the onslaught of emotions. Tears prickled in his own eyes because this was everything he ever wanted and everything he could never let himself have. 

When he opened his eyes Ben had moved and was standing in front of him, so close. Callum wanted to reach out and take his hand, press their foreheads together, but he couldn’t let himself do that. 

‘I didn’t mean for things to go this far,’ Ben said. ‘I thought it could just be sex. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything.’

Callum swallowed hard and looked down at the floor. 

‘I’m sorry Ben.’

’I think about you all the time, Cal. I can’t stop. I’ve hated not seeing you.’

‘I’ve hated it too,’ Callum admitted. 

‘Please don’t get married,’ Ben begged him. ‘I’m not saying you have to come out. You don’t have to tell anyone about us but just please don’t marry her. I can’t stand it.’

Callum felt a tear run down his cheek. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘You’re not in love with her Cal,’ Ben insisted. ‘I know she doesn’t make you feel the way I do. I know it. We could be so amazing together if you’d just give us a proper chance.’

‘You’re wrong,’ Callum replied even though the words sounded hollow to his ears. ‘I love Whitney.’

Ben reached up a hand to touch Callum’s face, his thumb stroked gently across his cheek. ‘Not as much as you love me.’

Callum surged forward and kissed Ben. Ben let out a growl of desire and he responded enthusiastically to the kiss. His hands tangled in Callum’s hair as he pressed their bodies together. They kissed for long minutes before Callum pulled away, wrapping his arms around Ben and holding him close. He buried his face in Ben’s neck, breathing him in. He knew that Ben was right. Whitney didn’t make him feel like this. No one had ever made him feel like this. Being with Ben was electric but the thought of giving up Whitney and the life he’d always thought he’d have was painful too.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ Callum said. ‘I’m so lost.’

Ben turned his head and kissed Callum’s cheek. ‘I just want to help,’ he told him. 

‘I don’t want to lose you,’ Callum replied. 

‘I want to be with you Cal,’ Ben told him honestly. ‘But I won’t just be your bit on the side. I deserve more than that.’

‘You’re right,’ Callum replied after a long moment. ‘You do deserve more than that. That’s why we need to end it.’

‘No Cal...’

‘I’m marrying Whitney,’ Callum said, taking a step backwards away from Ben. ‘I’m so sorry Ben.’

‘Don’t do this Cal.’ The tears are back in Ben’s eyes again. Callum hated himself. 

‘I’m sorry,’ he said again. ‘I need to go.’

He turned and walked out of the car lot. Away from Ben. 

***

It was Jay who found him. He was walking home from the pub when he saw the light on in the car lot and went to check everything was ok. He found Ben, sitting on the floor, almost empty bottle of whiskey beside him. 

‘Christ bruv, how much have you had?’ 

‘Not nearly enough,’ Ben replied. ‘You got anymore?’

Jay walked over to sit beside Ben. ‘You gonna tell me what’s going on?’ he asked. ‘You ain’t been yourself for weeks.’

Ben sighed because fuck, Jay didn’t know the half of it. ‘I don’t even know where to start.’

‘Maybe at the beginning?’ Jay said. 

Ben knew he needed to talk about it. He couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. He needed someone to know. 

‘I’ve been seeing someone,’ he said quietly. 

‘What?’ Jay was shocked. He had no idea that Ben was even interested in having a relationship let alone actually seeing someone. ‘How long has this been going on?’ 

‘A few months,’ Ben admitted. 

‘Mate, why didn’t you say anything? That’s great ain’t it?

Ben felt his eyes fill with tears again. He tried to blink them away but he failed. He buried his head in his hands again. ‘It’s such a mess, Jay.’

‘Why? What’s happened?’ and when Ben didn’t answer, Jay softly asked ‘Is this because of Paul?’ 

‘I dunno, kind of,’ Ben admitted. ‘I do feel guilty. I loved Paul so much but now there’s this other guy and I dunno...’

‘Bruv... you know Paul would’ve wanted you to be happy.’

Ben nodded. 

‘So what’s happened then?’ 

‘He’s um - he’s with someone else.’

‘What? He’s cheating on you?’

Ben shrugged his shoulders. ‘No. Not exactly.’

‘Oh Christ Ben. You haven’t.’

‘I didn’t mean to alright,’ Ben insisted. ‘It wasn’t meant to go this far. It was supposed to just be sex.’

‘And you went and fell for him?’

Ben nodded. 

‘Oh mate...’ Jay didn’t know what to say. 

‘It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.’

‘Why? Did his boyfriend find out?’

‘No,’ Ben shook his head. ‘He’s getting married tomorrow.’

Jay was silent for a moment obviously turning it over in his mind. Ben could tell he’d made the connection but was afraid to voice it. 

‘You’re not talking about... Callum... are you?’

Ben could deny it. He could make up some other name, but he was just so damn tired of lying. 

‘Please don’t tell anyone.’

‘Ben... you can’t be serious. Callum Highway?’

‘Don’t, Jay. I know alright.’

‘I can’t believe it. I had no idea he was into blokes.’

‘He says he’s confused,’ Ben said. ‘I know what that’s like. I just wanted to help him.’

‘Sounds like you did a bit more than that, bruv.’

Ben didn’t say anything. He just felt numb. 

‘So what’s happened tonight then?’ Jay asked. ‘Something must’ve happened for you to get into this state.’

‘I asked him not to go through with the wedding,’ Ben admitted. ‘I begged him. He’s still gonna marry her.’

‘Oh Bruv...’

‘I told him I loved him and it still wasn’t enough.’

‘You love him?’

‘I couldn’t help it,’ Ben replied. ‘He gets me, Jay. He really gets me. It’s like we just fit together. It’s not been about sex for ages. I just want to be close to him all the time.’

‘You’ve really got it bad haven’t ya?’

‘Yeah.’

There was nothing Jay could say to that, so he just reached out and put his arm around Ben’s shoulders and they sat together in silence. 

***

Callum didn’t sleep. After he left Ben he went back to the flat and he lay awake all night. Then when the sky started to get lighter outside he got out of bed and sat on the sofa, feeling nothing.

He was still sitting there at 10am when Mick came round. 

‘Christ Halfway, you look awful. Ain’t you even had a shower yet?’

‘Sorry,’ Callum replied but he made no move to get up. 

‘You alright?’ Mick frowned at him, concerned. 

It was the concern in Mick’s voice that made Callum break. 

The ‘no,’ came out like a sob and Mick was by his side in an instant. 

‘What is it Halfway? What’s happened?’

‘I don’t think I can do it, Mick,’ Callum said thickly. ‘I don’t think I can marry Whitney.’

‘What are you talking about? You and Whitney are made for each other.’

Callum took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He just needed to say it. ‘I’m in love with someone else.’

***

‘Ain’t you gonna say anything?’ Callum asked Mick when he’d finished telling him the entire story. 

‘Well,’ Mick began. ‘I can’t say I ain’t shocked. I mean I get why you never said anything to Stuart and your old man about liking blokes but surely you knew you could’ve come to me and L. I mean, our Jonny’s gay; our Tina’s gay.’

‘I know,’ Callum replied honestly. ‘It was just too hard.’

‘And cheating on Whit,’ Mick continued. ‘I didn’t think you was that sort of bloke.’

‘I ain’t,’ Callum replied. ‘I mean - I didn’t wanna be. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.’

‘You can’t help who you fall in love with, Callum.’

‘I thought I loved Whitney,’ Callum said. ‘I really did. She’s gorgeous; she’s kind. Everyone kept saying how perfect we were for each other and I thought “yeah alright, this must be love,” but then I met Ben...’

‘You’ve got to tell Whit.’ Mick said. 

‘It’ll break her heart.’

‘Yeah,’ Mick sighed. ‘But she’s tough, that girl. She’ll survive. And one thing I do know is it’ll be worse if she finds out a few years down the road when you’ve got a couple of kids or whatever.’ 

‘I don’t want her to hate me.’

’She might hate you,’ Mick replied. ‘But she deserves a life with someone who loves her the way you love Ben.’

Hearing it put like that, Callum knew Mick was right. Whitney deserved someone who loved her with everything they had and he also knew that that person was never going to be him. 

‘I need to see her,’ Callum said. ’I have to tell her face to face.’

‘Want me to come with you?’ Mick replied. 

‘No,’ Callum said resignedly. ‘I need to do this on my own.’

***

He deserved the slap. It was the very least he expected. He deserved Whitney raging at him. He stood there and took it all and when Stacey came in to find out what all the shouting was about, Callum took it from her too. 

When Whitney yelled at him to ‘just get out’ before collapsing into Stacey’s arms and breaking into a flood of tears, Callum just muttered ‘I’m so sorry,’ before he left the house. 

***

Ben’s head hurt. He was staring at the ceiling of Jay’s living room from his makeshift bed on the sofa. When they’d left the car lot the night before, Jay had brought him back to his place to sleep it off. Not that Ben had done much sleeping. He’d finally passed out at around 3am and then woken up just after 9am with an urge to vomit and he’d been lying there ever since, thoughts turning themselves over in his mind. 

He needed to get away. Maybe not away from London, now he’d got Lexi back in his life he didn’t want to be that far away from her again, but at least away from Walford. He needed to let himself get over Callum and that wouldn’t happen if he had to see him every day. He could find a job pretty easily, his Dad would probably help him out if he asked; if it meant that he’d be rid of him for good. 

He could find a flat and Lexi could come and visit at the weekends. Lola would surely allow that. It wouldn’t be so bad. 

He looked at his phone, no missed calls or texts. It was almost midday. He wondered what Callum was doing now. He was probably at the church, greeting the guests and waiting for Whitney, who was no doubt making him wait... an idle fantasy of a last minute dash to the church to stop the wedding ran through his mind, but Ben knew it was hopeless. Callum had made his feelings quite clear. He’d chosen Whitney. Ben had made himself look pathetic enough last night. He wasn’t going to make things worse by trying again. 

The sound of the footsteps on the stairs pulled him back from his thoughts. 

‘Oh you’re alive then?’ Jay said as he walked into the room. 

Ben just groaned and Jay dropped down into the armchair. 

‘How you feeling?’ Jay asked delicately. 

Ben shrugged. 

‘I wasn’t even drunk and I still feel like death,’ Jay said. ‘I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’

Ben looked down at his hands. ‘I promised I wouldn’t out him.’

‘I ain’t gonna say anything,’ Jay replied. 

‘Thanks,’ Ben replied. 

There was a banging on the front door and Jay jumped up to answer it. Ben sat upright when he heard Lola’s voice in the hallway and she followed Jay back into the room. 

‘What’s up?’ Ben asked her. ‘Is Lexi ok?’

‘She’s fine,’ Lola replied. ‘What’s going on with you? Bianca’s over in the pub shouting about you carrying on with Halfway.’

Ben was stunned. ‘What?’

‘She’s caused a right scene. The wedding’s off. Apparently, Whitney’s in a right state.’

Ben’s mind was racing. The wedding was off? Whitney has found out about them? What about Callum? Where was Callum now?

‘Is it true?’ Lola asked, but Ben was already on his feet, reaching for his phone and shoving his glasses on his face. 

‘I’ve gotta go,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you later.’

‘Ben,’ Jay called after him. ‘Be careful yeah?’ but Ben was already out the door. 

***

Callum had retreated to the pub after talking to Whitney. He didn’t want to go back to the flat, it was full of Whitney’s things, reminders of the life that he’d given up. Mick had, apparently been expecting him and hurried him upstairs, away from the prying eyes of the punters in the bar. 

Linda had given him a hug, told him off for cheating on Whitney and then given him another hug. He’d had a cup of tea thrust into his hand and was sitting in the front room trying not to have a panic attack, when he heard the shouting from downstairs the bar. 

Callum heard his own name being mentioned and so he made his way down the stairs, he could hear Bianca, Whitney’s step-mum shouting loudly at Mick. 

‘You’d better tell me where he is, Mick or I swear to God...’

‘Look, just calm down Bianca alright? Whitney won’t want you shouting her business in here. This is between her and Halfway.’

‘You’re telling me to calm down when he’s been shagging Ben Mitchell for God knows how long? Leading my Whitney on?’

Callum felt cold. That was it then. The whole square would know by the end of the day, probably sooner than that. His brother would know, his dad would know... there was no hiding it anymore. 

He was suddenly hit by an overwhelming feeling of calm. He walked out into the bar and he felt all the eyes on him, Karen Taylor in the corner, not even pretending to mind her own business. When Bianca saw him, she immediately turned her attention away from Mick. 

‘You’ve got some nerve showing your face in here,’ she said angrily.

‘Bianca,’ he said softly. ‘Can we not do this here?’

‘Why not? Ashamed are ya?’

‘No,’ Callum replied. 

‘Well you should be. Whitney’s in a right state.’

‘And I’m sorry about that,’ Callum told her. ‘I’ll always be sorry for hurting Whitney but I’m not ashamed of being gay.’

It was the first time he’d said the words out loud, he realised. Voicing what he’d known for so long to be true and now, he was finally starting to accept. He was gay, and that was alright. 

‘Callum?’ 

He turned and saw Ben, standing there watching him and he knew he’d heard every word. Everything else seemed to fade into the background as he took in Ben’s appearance. He was dressed in the same clothes he’d been wearing last night, now crumpled from having been slept in, his hair was still a mess and stubble was thick on his face but there was hope in his eyes and to Callum, he’d never looked better. 

‘You didn’t get married.’

‘No,’ Callum replied. ‘I couldn’t do it.’

‘Are you ok?’

‘Yeah,’ Callum replied. ‘I am,’ and honestly, for the first time in a long time he actually meant it. Then he became aware of everyone’s eyes on them again and he swallowed hard. He didn’t want to have this conversation in public. 

‘Can we go somewhere and talk?’ he asked, suddenly nervous that maybe Ben had changed his mind, that he didn’t want him anymore. 

‘Yeah,’ Ben replied. ‘Come on lets go back to mine.’

Callum smiled and followed Ben out of the pub. When they walked across the square they didn’t hold hands or give any outward sign that they were anything other than two mates walking side by side, but both Callum and Ben knew that everything had changed; that this was the start of something and it was going to be something amazing.


End file.
